The Rains of Castamere broke me

This post contains huge spoilers for Game of Thrones TV series fans. If you've read the books, you'll probably be fine - I have no idea, because I don't read the books, nor do I intend to (so please don't throw book spoilers at me!). If you haven't yet watched Game of Thrones, Series 3, episode 9, and plan to do so in the near future, DO NOT read this post. Here endeth the initial warning.

I finished watching the latest episode, The Rains of Castamere, an hour ago. And I still can't get the images out of my head. It was utterly gruesome, even though on some level I guessed something was going to happen. I suppose I expected a death. I certainly didn't expect that much death, on such an epic and bloody scale. It's something that, as a viewer, you don't expect to be confronted with. When you've been watching a show for three years, and you've become so attached to a group of characters, you don't expect them to all be gone in just a few minutes. That in itself is shocking and upsetting.

But the thing that is getting to me the most is the single shot of Talisa, just after the killing began. Her death is the one that is really, really sticking in my mind. I keep seeing it, over and over again, unable to just turn it off and stop thinking about it. I'm not entirely certain what about that shot is so compelling and horrible, but I have picked two reasons which I think contribute to it.

Reason number one: she was pregnant. I know that apparently, in the books, Robb's wife is not supposed to be pregnant - but I'm not reading the books, so I'm not worried about that. What gets to me is that the blade that killed her went straight for the stomach, rather than just slitting her throat like many of the other characters were. Her death was deliberately done to cause the most pain - that even if she somehow miraculously managed to live, the unborn baby would most certainly be dead, as would any chance of her having any others. Perhaps it's the fact that I'm a mother myself, and I can't help but feel an overwhelming amount of sadness and horror at the brutality of it.

Reason number two: it was graphic. Even having watched so much of Game of Thrones already, I am still used to less gory television. I'm used to daggers to the gut, half hidden by the guy delivering the blow, and little more than a pained expression on the victim's face before he crumples to the ground. I'm used to shots done slightly fuzzy, or murders off camera, blood sprays to signify someone's death. A direct shot of someone preparing for the kill, bringing the blade down until just shy of striking - and then the camera cuts away with a nasty sound effect.

This was nothing like that. This was in-your-face, no-looking-away kind of death. It was painfully hard to watch Talisa being stabbed multiple times, blood beginning to flow with the first strike. It felt for a moment like it was never going to end. I kept waiting for the shot to change, to take us to something less gruesome, and it didn't for what felt like forever.

I will admit, I'm a bit of a queasy viewer. The only reason I got through three seasons of Dexter was by looking away during the death scenes. This time, I couldn't just look away. It was like a train wreck - I just couldn't stop watching, and crying, and for five full minutes being unable to remember that all of this is not real, and it's just a TV show based on a book that is pure fiction.

Now, an hour and a half after watching the episode, I still am horrified. But it's made me even more attached to the show, to see what consequences there will be for the whole event. It's also dragging my creative side to the front of my mind, and reminding me how badly I want to create something that powerful one day.