Good Spectre, Bad Spectre

I can't decide if I want to be paragon or renegade. This is potentially a problem, since it's hampering my game play considerably. It will be very, very difficult to finish the game if I'm still agonising over whether to be nice and pose for an autograph with Shepard's "biggest fan" or to turn around and deck the guy.

Now, normally when I play games like this, I'm not really playing a character; I'm just playing the game. In Skyrim, for example, I'm not agonising over choices. I'm not invested in my character's personality, only in their skills and the like. It's about clearing all the dungeons, finding the best loot, finishing all the quests. And for the most part, I enjoy playing that way. When I do have to make a decision that will affect the outcome of the game, I choose the best (read: nicest) possibility. Maybe because that makes me feel like at least in the game I am ALWAYS a nice guy.

However, Mass Effect is having a strange effect on me. Right from the beginning, I've felt an attachment to the main character. It might have something to do with having to choose her life story before beginning the game, and having that choice actually make a difference in how the game goes. It might have to do with the fact that every decision I make has actual repercussions, and I can see many of them almost immediately. It might be nothing more than the fact that the options to truly create a personality for your character are there, and so encourages me to take advantage of them. Hell, it could be something completely different that I haven't picked up on. The designer in me craves the knowledge of what it is that has me so hooked, and I'm desperately hoping I'll soon figure it out.

Whatever the reason is, I feel like my Shepard is unique. I don't think my choices are exactly the same as the choices anyone else would make playing the game. I chose a background for her where, twice, she was the sole survivor of terrible events. As a result of that, she is a no-nonsense kind of person, who gets down to business and tries not to let sticky things like emotions get in the way. Many of the responses I give are the middle-of-the-road type. If anybody mentions her family, the first event she survived (which killed her family), or calls her "princess", she goes straight to the renegade-style responses. Anyone who messes her about, lies to her, or betrays her, also gets instant renegade reactions.

However, there's been a few occasions where I've gone with the paragon answers. For example, the man in the Citadel (can't remember his name right now) who wants his wife's body released. Were it my own point of view I was thinking with, I would have told him that it was far more important that the body was kept in order to learn more about what killed her, with the knowledge that doing so could save hundreds of lives. However, my Shepard lost her family, and the fact that the man clearly just wanted peace for his own family meant that she demanded the body released. That was the moment where I realised that I really am playing a role, not just a game.

The only thing that has made me curious is that there are a few occasions where I've selected what seemed to me to be the more renegade response - only to then get awarded with paragon points. What?? I just threatened to kill this guy, why am I getting rewarded for being a good guy? So confused. I'm assuming there's something about the situation that I don't know in order to make this make sense, and trying not to think that the game is just messing with me. Because I'm loving this game, and I would hate to have to go all renegade on it. Especially if it then gave me paragon status.

Also? The lifts in this game are awful. Really, I don't need to stare at the inside of an elevator for twenty seconds everytime I go to a different floor, okay?