Giving up old dreams for new ambitions

When I was younger, I wanted to be a dancer. I spent hours every week at my dance studio, practising as much as I could, taking every class I could possibly get to. I lived with frequent injuries and disappointments, as well as utter joy every time the music turned on and I let myself go with it. Dance was a passion, one that I spent most of my time with.

As I got older, I realised that I would probably never be a professional dancer. It's a difficult industry to get in to, even more difficult when you consider most "professional dance" people care about is ballet - and ballet was something I quite simply didn't have the physical ability to do for a living. So I adapted my dream. I decided I would much rather be a choreographer, a teacher. I planned to graduate from university with a degree in performing arts and open my own dance studio. I wanted to teach other kids how to dance, show them how to throw their whole being into the music, and have as much passion for it as I did. It was a dream I held on to for a long, long time.

Fast forward nearly a decade, and you'll see the sad truth of what became of that dream. I still suffer from some of the injuries from my youth, as they've in some cases given me long-term difficulties. I suffer with new injuries as well, just as painful, just as difficult, but caused by completely unrelated things. I no longer have the skills I once did, as my time spent dancing has been extremely limited over the last several years. I no longer have the knowledge of the industry like before, having been out of the loop for so long. Everything about the dance industry is different in this place and time, and to dive head first into it as I once planned would be foolish, to say the least. Even if all of that weren't in my way, even if I could push through all those obstacles, I come to the brick wall that is money. I can't afford to push myself back into a life dominated by dance. I can't afford to open a studio, to try to get whatever qualifications I would need to make myself a teacher. The dream still sits in my head, in my heart, but it is so far out of reach now as to be unattainable.

This has been in my head a lot recently. I have been taking a few local dance classes for the last year, for ballet and Zumba. After a very short time I realised I had too many injuries to continue with the Zumba, and as much as I loved it, have had to stop. The frustration and sadness at having to stop something I enjoyed so greatly has bled into my other dance class, often making the ballet class just as difficult. I find myself making excuses not to go, scheduling things during the time I'm meant to be there, and generally making it harder for me to participate.

I've finally realised that if I've reached the point where I'm not wanting to go anymore, there has to be a reason. Maybe, just maybe, some part of me is trying to tell me that my dance dream should finally be let go. The dream I once wanted so much is all but impossible now. I still love to dance, but forcing myself to do so even when I don't want to will only damage that passion that's still there, underneath all the joys and stresses that fill my daily life. Besides, I have other dreams now. I have goals that I think about every day, rather than just once a week. I have ambitions that are attainable, that will enable me to make a living doing something I love and am capable of, that don't depend on being in perfect physical condition.

This decision hasn't been an easy one. It's taken me all week to come to this conclusion. And as much as it pains me to do so, I know that for me it is the right thing. I'm stopping my dance classes. I'm walking away from that dream to focus on new ones. I will still dance from time to time - whenever I want to. But I think that dancing will be limited to my living room.